They Said It!
I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.
...Michigan State football coach Duffy Daugherty
Excerpts from Resumes
- Being in trouble with the law, I moved quite frequently.
- Experience: Professionally watered 22,500 office plants.
- At the age of 12, I began hustling newspapers like many other great Americans had done. The only difference was that they became great.
Judge: Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?
Witness: I do.
Judge: Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?
Witness: Sure. My side will win.
Family Feud host Richard Dawson: A number you have to memorize.
The body was found dismembered, tied into a sack, and floating in the bay. I'll be right back with more sports
in a moment!
...from a nightly newscast
Lawyer: What about the research?
Witness: I don't think there is any research on that. There's a logical hunch that may be true, but I know of no research study that would support that.
Lawyer: What about common sense?
Witness: Well, I'm not here using common sense. I'm here as an expert.
Reporter: What did you major in in college?
Sen Carol Moseley Brown (D-Illinois), who had just announced she was going to run for president: I'm going to guess it was political science, but I'm not sure. It might have been history. I'll check. I hadn't thought of that one.
From a citizen self-reporting form from the Madison, Wisconsin, Police Department...
Did you give consent for someone to steal or damage your property?
Yes ( ) No ( )